I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's shark week go big or go home
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
