Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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