The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
