why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
