I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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