not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
