Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
