Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
