The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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