did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
