I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
