What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
