dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
