is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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