i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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