It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
