How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
