im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
