Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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