Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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