he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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