i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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