Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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