But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
