Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
