So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
