So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
