Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just blew my weed a kiss
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
