Kiss
Puke
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
