I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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