I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
