I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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