I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
