i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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