chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
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Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
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Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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