my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
