I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
