WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
