Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
