You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
