hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
