even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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