I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
my poor anus
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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