I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
