Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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