did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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