I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
