But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
