I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
