Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
