There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
