Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
