I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize