Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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