I want to walk on stilts...naked
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
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I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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