grandma shit on top of the toilet
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
