Who wears a wallet chain?!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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