So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
