I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize
