you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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