You really coming over, don't trick.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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