but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
