Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
