I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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