she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
