hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
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Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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