She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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