went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
