I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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