Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I lost the right to judge tonight
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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