This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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