I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
