Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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