I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
