so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
