Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
