She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
this beer tastes like vomit already
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
