So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
