in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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