I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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