after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
