Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
